All My Friends Say
by ajr818
Summary: Edward's friends take him out to a bar to get over his latest break-up. When his ex walks in with another guy, Edward decides it's time to get wasted. Hilarity ensues. Inspired by "All My Friends Say" by Luke Bryan.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. Stephenie Meyer does. I also do not own "All My Friends Say" by Luke Bryan.**

**Thanks to AsktheMagic8Ball for your help with this.**

**Check out the music video for the song from which this o/s was inspired: http : / www . youtube . com / watch?v=NOoNcDkJhsI (just take out the spaces)  
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><p>~*~AMFS~*~<p>

_And all my friends say_

_I started shootin' doubles_

_When you walked in_

_All my friends say_

_I went a little crazy_

_Seeing you with him_

_You know I don't remember a thing_

_But they say I sure was raising some cain_

_I was a rock star, party hard_

_Gettin' over you comeback kid_

_Hey I must have did _

_What all my friends say_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

_~All My Friends Say by Luke Bryan_

~*~AMFS~*~

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

"Oh, God . . ." I groaned, my head pounding like there were little creatures inside it smashing hammers against my skull. My back and neck were killing me, and my lids slowly opened, afraid of the assault of the morning light.

Thank the Lord the room was semi-dark, or I would have stabbed my eyes out due to the throbbing pain in my head. From what I could see, my living room looked like a tornado had blown through it. There were beer bottles covering almost every surface, and clothes were strewn all over the floor. Most of them looked to be my clothes, but I thought I saw something black and lacy peeking out from under the shirt I'd worn the night before.

I finally realized why my back and neck were killing me; I had been sleeping in my old rocking chair. I suddenly felt cold and looked down at myself. The only thing I was wearing was my boxers, and a blanket was thrown over my lap.

Standing up, I stretched, trying to get all of the kinks out of my neck and back. I walked toward the kitchen and froze in the entryway. Everything that had been on my kitchen table was scattered all over the floor.

_What the hell happened last night?_

It wasn't like I hadn't partied before, but it had been a long time since I'd gone so overboard. Since I was in medical school, I didn't have many opportunities to waste time on parties. It seemed like all through undergrad there had been parties but never at my place and never this crazy—so crazy that I hardly remembered a thing.

I maneuvered around all of my textbooks and papers that were on the floor and made my way to the coffee pot. I needed coffee in my system if I wanted to even have a chance of diminishing my killer hangover. After I got the pot running, I made my way back toward the living room. As I passed the front door, I stopped, realizing something was wrong. I looked out the window in the door and gasped before opening the door and running out onto my lawn . . . in my boxers, no less.

I spun around on the lawn, probably looking like a complete moron. I was surprised my neighbors hadn't come out yet to see what I was doing. When I didn't find what I was looking for, I ran back toward the house, freaking the fuck out. I had to find my phone, because I could only think of two people who could tell me what I wanted—_needed_—to know.

I dropped to the floor of my living room, scouring through all of the clothes and trying to find my phone. I finally spotted it under the chair and dove for it. When I had it in my hands, I dialed a number.

I was breathing hard from my freak out and knew I'd sound like some stalker when he picked up. As it was ringing, I sat up and picked up the black lacy thing I'd spotted earlier. It had ended up caught between my toes during my search.

_What the fuck is a thong doing on my floor?_

"What?" He sounded as hung over as I did.

"Emmett, where is my truck, and what the fuck happened last night?"

"Ahem." That was definitely not Emmett. I looked up and saw her, leaning against the entryway wearing my gray Medical College of Georgia t-shirt . . . _only_ my t-shirt.

"Ah, shit . . ."

~*~AMFS~*~

_The night before . . ._

"Dude, you need to get the fuck over that bitch! She fucking cheated on you! Remember? With that fucker, Jacob Black!" I didn't completely understand why he was yelling, because we weren't even inside the bar yet, but that was just Emmett.

"I know, but it hurt, man. I thought I was going to marry that girl one day."

Jasper shook his head. "She was just a gold-digger. You're going to be a rich doctor, and she saw her in. She knew if she had you, she'd be set for life."

Part of me knew he was right, but the other part was still hurting. It definitely wasn't a good feeling to walk into _your_ house after class to see some guy slamming into _your_ girl from behind . . . over the side of _your_ couch. Needless to say, the couch was thrown to the curb and so was she.

Within a few minutes, we were inside, and we pushed our way through a crowd of people to get to the bar. I really needed a drink. All three of us finally got our beers and found a table.

"So, what the fuck happened again? You just walked in the house, and they were doing it on your—"

"Damn, Em. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want the recap from you. Just leave it alone," Jasper scolded, taking a sip of his Budweiser.

I took a huge swig of my Heineken before pulling my phone out of my pocket to see if I had any messages.

"Dude, are you really checking to see if she called? Leave it alone. She's no good!"

"I'm not checking to see if she called. I just needed to see if I had any messages from the hospital." Honestly, I had been checking to see if she called, but I didn't want to look like a pussy, hung up over some chick. It was hard to come to terms with, though. We had been together for almost two years.

Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I heard Emmett mutter, "Ah, fuck . . ."

"What?" Jasper asked. I looked over at Em and saw him look at Jasper, nodding his head toward the door. I glanced in that direction and suddenly had the urge to vomit.

Standing at the door was none other than my ex, hanging all over Jacob fucking Black.

No matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't tear my eyes away from them. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and she whispered in his ear then moved to kiss his neck. Fucking football-playing moron. That's the reason she cheated on me. He was the fucking Heisman-winning football player from the University of Georgia. Apparently, she'd met him when she went to go visit one of her girlfriends at Georgia. At least that was what she'd yelled at me when I was throwing her shit out the door.

Before I knew it, I was up and walking.

"Edward, don't do anything stupid," Jasper said, coming up behind me.

He assumed I was going over to Jacob and my bitch of an ex, but there was no way I'd walk within fifty feet of them. Seeing her all over him had put the nail in the coffin. I was getting fucking wasted.

~*~AMFS~*~

"Holy shit, Jazz! I've never seen him like this!" I heard Emmett yell from the floor. I, on the other hand, was standing on top of the bar, having the time of my life.

"I got smoke in my hair! My clothes thrown everywhere! Woke up in my rocking chair! Holding a beer in my hand . . . sporting a neon tan! Whoo!" I sang, feeling the effects of the many shots I'd already had.

_Why the hell don't I fucking do this all the damn time? Shit, this is invag—, invog—, in— Ah, fuck words! Damn, I fucking swear a lot in my head when I'm fucking wasted._

"Take off your shirt, sexy!" some woman, who looked to be in her forties with _way_ too much Botox, yelled from the end of the bar. She was dressed like she wished she was still in her twenties. I was getting to be drunk enough that I'd probably do her without a second thought. _I'll fucking grant your wish, little lady._

After I unbuttoned my flannel shirt, pulled off my white t-shirt, and threw them both in the crowd, I kneeled back down to the bar and grabbed the double of Jack that I'd left there. After throwing it back, I stood back up and started singing along to the chorus of the song that was playing.

"All my friends say, I started shooting doubles when you walked in!" I found that whore of an ex of mine in the crowd and pointed right at her.

"All my friends say, I went a little crazy seeing you with him!" Again, I pointed from her to Jacob Black, the fucking moron. They actually had the decency to look embarrassed.

"You know I don't remember a thing . . ." I shook my ass a little for the Botox lady on the floor. "But they say, I sure was raising some Cain! I was a rock star, party hard, getting over you comeback kid!" I started playing some awesome air guitar. "Yeah, I must have did what all my friends say!"

After that part, I held my hand out like a microphone to the crowd surrounding me, and they all shouted, "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" It was fucking awesome.

Emmett and Jasper must have got the hint of what I was going to do next, because they both yelled out "No!" simultaneously. But I just had the urge come over me, and I was on top of the world.

I fucking crowd surfed.

I bent my knees, and I jumped. Luckily, there were people who caught me. That would have sucked if they'd have let me fall. Like Jack Black in School of Rock.

When I got to the end of the crowd, they sat me down on my feet, and I could feel the after effects of all the shots I'd had start to get to me. I started getting a little bit dizzy when I felt someone grab me from both sides. Or two people grabbed me at each of my sides.

I looked to my left and saw Emmett, grinning at me. I looked to my right and saw Jasper, not looking as amused as Emmett but still smirking.

"Come on, man. It's about time we got you home," Jasper said as they started leading me to the door.

"But, we're having fun, Jazz! I'm just getting started!"

"Dude, I think you've had a little bit too much fun tonight. You sure showed the bitch, though. She was so embarrassed when you pointed them out like that. Fucking priceless," Emmett said as we made our way out the door.

It was fucking hot, but I felt a breeze on my chest. I looked down and noticed that my shirt was gone. _Oh, yeah! I threw it in the crowd!_

Emmett must have called a cab or something, because the next thing I knew, I was being shoved into the back of a car. I thought it was a cab, but maybe not. Maybe it was a cop car. Maybe I'd done something wrong, and the po-po was coming to take me in.

"Guys, I don't want to go with the po-po! Don't let them take me!" I yelled.

"Holy shit. He's worse than I thought," Jasper said, sliding in next to me. Emmett slid in after him. _Shit, are we all going to the po-po station?_

"Wait! Wait a minute!" I heard someone yell, and Emmett didn't close the door. _Why aren't you fucking closing the door, Emmett? _"Oh my gosh. Thank you so much! Can I ride with you guys? I just need a ride back to my apartment."

"Where do you live?" Emmett asked. The person said something that I couldn't hear, and then I saw Emmett move his head up and down. Someone walked around the car and got in the front seat of the po-po car. The person was sitting in front of me, and all I could really see was long hair.

"My place is probably closer, so going there first is probably the best idea," Jasper said, saying an address to the officer driving the po-po car. For some reason, he seemed like a captain of a ship to me. Maybe it was the hat he was wearing. _Hey, he's the captain of this po-po car! Full speed ahead, Mr. Po-po man, sir!_

~*~AMFS~*~

"Here's his address. I'll give you an extra twenty bucks to make sure he gets into his house okay," Emmett said to the captain of the ship as he disembarked.

"Don't worry about him. I'll make sure he gets in okay," the long-haired person in front of me said.

After Emmett left, I started singing to myself in the backseat. The long-haired person in front of me got out of the car, and I instantly wondered where the person had gone. A few seconds later, the door next to me opened, and I jumped like a scaredy-cat, because I didn't expect it.

Someone sat down in the seat, but I just kept singing to myself.

"I was Elvis rocking on the bar. Working the crowd, pouring— Damn it." I turned to the person next to me. "I forgot the words."

The long-haired person turned to look at me, and I realized it was a girl. _Whew! There for a second, I thought you might have been an ugly, long-haired boy!_

"Well, thanks for the compliment. . . . I think," long-haired girl said.

_Did I say that out loud?_

"Yes, you did." Long-haired girl giggled, and it sounded really nice.

"You laugh really pretty." She looked up at me, and I looked into her big brown eyes. "You're really pretty."

"Thanks. Oh, I forgot to give you this." She pulled my flannel shirt out of her bag and handed it to me. "This one landed on me." She smiled, and I wanted that smile on my face. I grabbed her face in my hands and pulled her lips to mine. I felt her hands wrap around my bare shoulders, and I grabbed her waist, pulling her up to straddle my lap. My lap was really happy.

Soon, too soon, the ship stopped, and the captain cleared his throat at us. I pulled my face away from hers and looked out the window. We were in front of my house. Well, at least I thought it was my house. All of the houses on this street looked exactly the same.

I looked up at the girl on my lap. "Do you want to come in?"

She looked at me with those big brown eyes again. "Yes."

~*~AMFS~*~

"Oh, God! That feels so good!" I took my arm and pushed everything that was on the kitchen table onto the floor, continuing to kiss up and down brown-eyed girl's neck. I really needed to figure out her name, so I wouldn't call her brown-eyed girl or long-haired girl when I climaxed. That would just be embarrassing.

I laid her down on the table and kissed my way down her chest. We'd already removed all of our clothes in my living room where I'd already made her come on my couch. And I was about to do it again. _Score!_ _I bet you can't do that, Jacob motherfucking Black!_

I kissed both of her hipbones before making my way down her thighs. She was squirming on the table. She was so wet, practically dripping onto my kitchen table.

"Please," she moaned, and I sat up and looked at her.

"What do you want? Tell me."

"Oh, God! I want your mouth." She wiggled her hips back and forth, and I smirked against her thigh.

"Where?"

"Ugh! You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

I nodded my head, making my lips rub up and down the inside of her thigh.

"I want your mouth on my pussy. Oh, God! Please."

"Your wish is my command." I lowered my mouth to her and took her clit between my lips, sucking on it. I took the hand that wasn't gripping her hip and pushed two fingers inside of her, plunging them in and out.

"Fuck!"

I felt her legs start to quiver around my head, so I flicked my tongue quickly back and forth over her clit and curled my fingers upward on my next inward plunge. I heard and felt her hands smack the table, while she arched her back, climaxing again.

I thought I heard her utter, "Magic motherfucking fingers," but I couldn't be completely sure.

When she came down from her high, I picked her up off the table. She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I started walking toward the stairs. I was going to fuck this girl in my bed.

When we made it into my room, I laid her down on the bed and crawled until I was lying on top of her. I leaned down and kissed her. I knew she was sensitive from the two orgasms I'd already given her, and she'd definitely be sore tomorrow, but I didn't really care about that right now. I had a fuck hot woman under me, and I was going to take full advantage of that.

Her hands ran down my chest and through the little V of hair above my cock. I groaned when she gripped me. I thrust my cock into her hand and groaned at the sensation. I knew it wouldn't take long for me to come, and there was no way that I was doing it in her hand.

I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from me, groaning at the loss of sensation. _Why the fuck did I pull her away from me?_

I moved my dick and lined it up with her entrance, rubbing the tip up and down.

"Don't worry. I'm on the pill and clean." I heard her mutter, and that hadn't even dawned on me. Of course, the alcohol seemed to be clouding my judgment.

_Maybe I shouldn't be doing this? What the fuck? Hell yes, you should!_

"This is going to be hard and fast," I grunted out before I thrusted deep inside her. We both moaned at the same time. When I pushed inside her, my pelvic bone rubbed against her clit.

I started a pounding, relentless rhythm and knew it wouldn't take long for me to come. I wrapped my arms around her body and moved her up the bed.

_Bang!_

"Fuck!" I moved my hand to my forehead where I smacked it against the headboard when I'd pushed into her. I guess I moved a little too far up the bed.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?" She reached her hands up and stroked her fingers over my forehead and into my hair. When she pulled on my hair, I groaned and started pumping myself into her again.

"Yeah, I'm great. God, you're so fucking tight!"

She moaned and gripped my hair harder. "I'm so close."

I moved my hand down and started rubbing her clit. I was close too, and there was no way I was coming without getting her off one more time.

"Oh, fuck! Right there!" She moved her hands from my hair to my back and shifted upwards with every single one of my thrusts.

"I'm going to fill that pussy with my cum." I rubbed her clit, and she let go, letting out a moan as she climaxed.

I plunged inside of her two more times before I let go, too.

~*~AMFS~*~

_Damn, why am I so cold?_

I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling of my room. I turned and looked at the girl next to me. She wasn't that bad looking. She definitely wasn't the Botoxed-up woman from the bar. I didn't want her to wake up next to me. _Because that would be weird._ So, I grabbed a blanket from the bed and walked downstairs. I found my boxers lying on the floor, so I pulled them on and planted myself in my rocking chair. _My trusty rocking chair. How I love you._

~*~AMFS~*~

_The next day . . ._

"_Emmett, where is my truck, and what the fuck happened last night?"_

"_Ahem." That was definitely not Emmett. I looked up and saw her, leaning against the entryway wearing my gray Medical College of Georgia t-shirt . . . only my t-shirt._

"_Ah, shit . . ."_

"What?" Emmett answered, and I just stared at the girl standing in my entryway. I couldn't deny that she was beautiful, but fuck! What had I done last night?

"Why is there a woman in my house wearing only one of my med school t-shirts?"

"Fuck, man! Is it that fucking hot chick from last night?" Emmett sounded enthused, but I was not enthused at this point. I was fucking confused as hell.

"I don't know, Em. I can't fucking remember anything from last night. And where the hell is my truck?"

"Dude, calm down. You're truck is at my place. I picked it up this morning. We left it at the bar last night, because there was no way we were driving home. You got completely wasted when Tanya walked in with Jacob Black. You were just taking doubles of Jack left and right. Jazz and I had some beers before we left to go to the bar, so that's why your place is kind of trashed. Aside from that, why are you on the phone with me and not talking to the chick in your house?" I closed my eyes, brought my hand to my forehead, and then moved my fingers to pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping that would make some of the pain go away, but it didn't help.

"Okay, just bring my truck over later, and get your asses over here to clean up my house."

Emmett scoffed. "Okay, will do, man. Later."

I hung up the phone and looked back to the girl. She spoke up first. "So, you don't remember anything about last night?"

"Honestly, no, I don't."

She scoffed and walked into the room, yanking the thong out of my hand. "Well, that's just great."

"Whoa, what?" I was confused and had no idea why she was giving me an attitude. Did she know how much I had to drink last night?

"We slept together last night, and you don't even remember it." When she turned my way quickly before she turned to walk toward the door, I saw tears in her eyes. Something twisted inside me, and I realized I didn't want this girl to cry. She didn't deserve to cry, and I had done that to her.

"Wait," I called, standing up and moving to grab her arm. She turned to look at me, and I almost fell to my knees at the sight. She looked completely devastated. It wasn't even that she was full-blown sobbing or anything. It was just the look in her eyes. "Let me make it up to you. I know I'm a jerk, because I got so wasted that I didn't remember sleeping with you, but I know this great little coffee shop up the street here. Let me buy you a coffee, and we can talk about it. Maybe you can bring to light some of what happened last night." I chuckled when I noticed the small smile on her face. It really was beautiful.

"You know, you were pretty crazy last night. I don't know if you want to hear all of it. At least you were pretty crazy from what I witnessed."

I groaned. "I'm sure I was if I don't remember any of it."

She grabbed my hand with hers, lacing her fingers with mine. "Come on. I'll tell you all of the shenanigans you got up to last night."

"Maybe we should get dressed first," I said, looking down at our lack of clothing.

"You know, I kind of like this t-shirt. I might steal it from you."

I pinched her bare thigh, and she squeaked. "You can keep it, girlie."

"I'll do that," she said, smirking up at me.

"You know, I don't even know your name."

"Well, this is the first time you've asked me since we met." I groaned at my stupidity the previous night, and she laughed. "It's Bella. Bella Swan."

"I'm Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you, Edward Cullen." She put her hand out for me to shake, and I laughed, taking it.

"All right, Bella Swan. Let's get out of here."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! If you want to check it out, vbfb1 made an awesome looking banner for this story. The link is on my profile.<strong>

**If anyone is interested, I will be posting a new story soon. It's going to be a drabble story called Dreams. For any readers of Torn, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. School was kicking my butt this past semester, but classes are done. The next chapter is almost done, so an update will be posting soon!**


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